Maybe Fiction, but it's good!

[dw1911]

.

CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD (Maybe Fictitious) But I Like it!




To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown
Savannah night before last.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket
that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you
pulled
the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our
lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important
message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your
embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants
when
I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening
was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my
girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour
as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that
Kimber
Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we
had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when
pointed at your head ... isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure
it
was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave
your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you
from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us
again.


After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had
her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of
what
you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those
of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card.
The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely
grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie
Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That
made
his day!

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp ride" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke
the
windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's
side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone
calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while
mentioning
President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a
nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not
killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution
is a far
more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you
well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate
pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity
to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path
you've
chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so
lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Semper fi,


Alex

[MajO]

[guitargain]

LOL. I like it.

[TLE2]

It has been around. But don't you just hope it's true!?

[Caleb]

If it is, its great.

[DrHenley]

LOL, this one has been around the world and back. Here is the South African Version (uses the "G" word instead of the "K" word):

To the well dressed black dude Who Tried to Mug Me on Durban Beachfront three nights ago,

I was the guy wearing the black denim jacket that you demanded that I hand over, along with my wallet, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend & I, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse, rings and earrings too.

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Glock pistol for Christmas and we had picked up a new 'fast draw' shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn't it, especially when I blasted that one and only shot right past your right ear and out to sea?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from, bare footed with your ear bleeding and ringing like a church bell, since I made you leave your expensive shoes, Nokia cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.

After I called your mother, or "Mama" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done, fortunately she spoke English too and she seemed very shocked, said you worked at a local bank and wouldn't do what I was telling her you had done. Anyway, I then went and filled up my petrol tank as well as four other people in the petrol garage on your credit card. The guy with the big V8 Jeep took R800 alone and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Joe Kools, along with all the cash in your wallet. That made his day!

I then threw your wallet into the big 7 series Beemer that was parked at the curb... After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. I know that this bling car belongs to a local enforcer and bouncer.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Vodacom just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the local ANC office and one to the bureau of state security (intelligence services) too, while mentioning President Zuma and Julius Malema as my probable targets. The state security guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat - I guess while he traced your number, etc.

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you... But, I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Chris.

[dw1911]

I like the Idea whether it's actually happened or not!
That's some good "Get Back" for sure!